


Ten Recommendations for New Arrivals to the City of Fallen London

by Esmenet



Category: Fallen London|Echo Bazaar
Genre: Epistolary, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-19
Updated: 2012-12-19
Packaged: 2017-11-21 14:06:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,036
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/598591
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Esmenet/pseuds/Esmenet
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>written by A FRIEND</p>
<p>(translated from Rubbery Hieroglyphs by Dr. M. A. Chen)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Ten Recommendations for New Arrivals to the City of Fallen London

**Author's Note:**

  * For [strobelighted](https://archiveofourown.org/users/strobelighted/gifts).
  * Translation into Русский available: [Десять советов прибывающим в Павший Лондон](https://archiveofourown.org/works/9921902) by [morcabre](https://archiveofourown.org/users/morcabre/pseuds/morcabre)



As I have encountered many difficulties since my arrival here several years ago, I wish to present my young (and less young) fellows with a few HINTS and TIPS for easier transition to city life, in the hope that you will not make my own mistakes and instead create some new ones of your own. Since The Grimy City* is full of CHARLATANS and TRICKSTERS, it has quickly become obvious to me that some type of GUIDE is needed for those of our people unused to city life. Unfortunately, it seems that no such thing has heretofore existed -- or at least, in non-swindling form. Thus I have taken it upon myself to here rectify such a lack, and I hope that you will take this pamphlet for which it is -- a mere ADVICE, to be taken as one's own judgement permits. Take care, and be cautious at all times. (In addition, do not forget to pay the distributor of this leaflet.**)

ONE. Retain an unruffled demeanor at all times.  
Fallen London is simply filled with those who would seek to rob you of things not limited to money. This being so, it is wise to limit one's obvious reactions -- the worst that can come of this is being considered STOIC, which is itself a virtue in some circles, particularly those of the DRY-SKINNED PEOPLE.*** No matter the circumstances, remain calm and examine the reactions of those around you. Many things which would be considered shocking events in smaller dwelling places are here QUITE ORDINARY.

TWO. In keeping with the above: Do not be shocked by rude language!  
MURDER is one thing, but RUDENESS is often quite another. Many people in The Grimy City have quite different standards of manners than you or I. Even our own people grow lax in their manners after a few years, and as for the richer of the DRY-SKINNED PEOPLE -- well. Let me simply say they would consider using the wrong eating utensil to be the highest affront, but believe commenting on another's appearance to be perfectly acceptable dinner conversation. In addition, many of the DRY-SKINNED PEOPLE consider a knife to the gut an informal greeting. (For this reason, it is advisable to consider one's chosen company very carefully.)

THREE. Keep away from large outdoor gatherings of DRY-SKINNED PEOPLE.  
As you become a more experienced denizen of Fallen London, you will be able to judge for yourself which gatherings are safe to attend and which are not. But as a rule: when in doubt, AVOID. Many of our people have been injured or embarrassed by large groups of these DRY-SKINNED PEOPLE wielding STONES or CLUBS (items easily picked up from any street), so caution is advised at all times. Some authorities believe they are frightened by us; personally, I believe that stones thrown with great force cause injury.

FOUR. Learn English.  
Speech of this EXOTIC TONGUE may often lie beyond our considerable abilities, but since it is the native language of many of this city's inhabitants, the ability to hear, read, and write this language is not to be undervalued. Depending on one's occupation, the COMMON TONGUE OF CHINA or similar languages (particularly those easily pronounced with tentacles) may also be useful.

FIVE. Do not neglect proper skin-care.  
This may seem an odd and old-fashioned advice, but the GRIME and FILTH of this city will cause deterioration not only of the appearance but also the health of any dwelling here. I recommend visiting a proper skin-care parlour once every four weeks. Do NOT rely on the soaps and potions sold on the streets; these are often WORSE than using nothing. Do NOT allow yourself to go longer than one-fourth of a year without a true cleansing of the pores; you will REGRET this.

SIX. Stay away from POLITICS AND INTRIGUE.  
DEATH, CONFUSION, and IMMENSE ANNOYANCE await those who entangle themselves in such affairs. If you must occupy yourself with byzantine affairs, purchase a membership in a gaming-parlour or develop an interest in linguistics. Both are equally complicated and deadly, but far less aggravating.

SEVEN. Do not allow yourself to become unsettled by night-visions.  
DREAMS, while generally uncommon among our people, are increasingly common to those dwelling within Fallen London. Most are mere curiosities, ideas stirred up in the unconscious mind by the strange city airs. Pay them exactly as much mind as you wish. However, some have complained of NIGHT TERRORS, and if you experience such frightening visions you must settle your mind at once. It is possible to go MAD from such things, and though I am assured the journey back to sanity is lengthy but not impossible, such events are best avoided.

EIGHT. Listen to as much music as possible.  
One of the truly great things about this city is the music. The best kind, of course, is that overheard by accident while walking alone at night. However, that kind of experience often comes far too close to DEATH, INJURY, and SPIDERS to be a regular occurrence. I recommend hanging around the back doors of music halls (when such a thing is safe) and requesting an impromptu performance before or after a concert. Of late, there are a few music halls that cater specifically to our people's tastes; some of these are worth it, and some not. It is a matter of opinion. (Personally, I find spontaneous performances much more satisfying.) Many musicians will take payment in deep amber, so it is wise to keep plenty at hand.

NINE. Enjoy yourself.  
Do not allow yourself to become bogged down with RULES and REGULATIONS, as I have often done. All the cautions in the world are useless if you cannot be happy. Take risks when you feel you must, ignore advice if it seems to you ill-conceived, and in general: LIVE. Cities are for living in, after all, though this one may be a little more deadly than most.

TEN. As always, do not go too far north.

\---  
*lit. The Incredibly Filthy Larger-Than-Usual Collection of Living Beings. A fond appellation.  
**Footnote from the original text: If you have already stolen it -- congratulations! You are already on your way to being a hardened and experienced citizen of our dank metropolis.  
***Humans.

**Author's Note:**

> This is not exactly 'a day in the life of a Rubbery Man', which is what I started out aiming for, but I've been thinking a lot lately about the advice people give or don't give each other when moving to a new city or town. I've also been thinking about the way Fallen London is built and billed, and the way some of it feels just like a real city even through the computer screen.
> 
> I also wanted to go for a little bit of a nineteenth-century leaflet feel, with CAPITAL LETTERS on certain nouns. (Strictly speaking, they should have been bolded as well, but I always end up reading bolded text before the rest of the piece and messing up my reading pattern. So.)


End file.
